What the problem??

It's 3am in the early morning of sunday. There i was unable to sleep. My wife have once again cried because of me. Time and again i had made her sad. Time and again she cried. She cried not because i had made her sad, she cried because i had not changed. What the problem in our relationship? I blamed her her everything but i fail to see that the main problem does not lies with her but it's with me. I am the main reason why our relationship had deteriorate.

I am a very selfish person who only thinks about mine benefits. I go to show i wanted to watch and not to those she wanted. I go to places i wanted to go and not to those she wanted. When we go out, i don hold her hand or talk to her. I walk by myself because i walk faster than she does. I blame her for walking slowly. But i didn't realise that all the while, i was the one who is having the problem.

The problem lies with me being a person who treats others better than my own family members. She was right about i am able to talk more to people who is not my family and to treat them better. I treat my own families members shabbily and do not care about their feelings. Not only that, i treat them coldly. I am able to give advice to people who faces the same problem but when it come to mines, I'm unable to do so.

Last night, i was thinking and thinking over it. What the real problem with me? I realise that i am a person who is not determine, not aggressive towards my goals, a timid person who bully's my families and one who are not serious towards everything in my life. I always wanted to lose weight and to set up my own businesses. I used to run 3 times every week but not anymore. I had become a person who is lazy, only want to enjoy and not paying it back. Even in work and studies that i seek the easy way out. I don't go for things that i know if difficult and when i am assign to tasks that i am not familiar of, i chicken out. I'm easily frustrated with my families members and i had a bad temper. But when it come to friends or stranger, i can control it and be a nice man to them.

Now that i know my problems, how do i go about changing it? There is a saying "3 days to learn a habit but 3 years to unlearn it". I had learn all my bad habits and it is time that i had to do something to it. I MUST unlearn all the bad habits and cultivate habits that are beneficial to me and to those around me. Habits such as giving care and concern to my loves one, the ability to express myself to them, not afraid to the negative feedback's, to control my bad temper and not jump to conclusion before knowing all the facts, cultivate good working and studying attitude and lastly, to make my relationship with my wife and family, a understanding and loving one. To change is to progress;To stay in the same spot is to say NO to life and opportunities. I MUST change for the better and i MUST succeed in it. That is a promise to me and one that must be keep.